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Terry Sue Harms

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Shut Out Stories - Blog

Photo credit: Flickr

Photo credit: Flickr

If you’ve ever been rejected, ignored, dismissed, banned, barred, denied, estranged, unwanted, unvalued, unwelcomed, forgotten, excluded, discarded, disregarded, shunned, snubbed, cast out, locked out, ghosted, or given up on, then you have a shut out story. We’ve all had them, incidents of wanting something we can’t have: the job, house, or mate; the health outcome we couldn’t control; the super talent we’d never possess; the loved one we couldn’t pull back from the dead. A door remains closed despite our every effort to have it otherwise. Those experiences usually come with some backwash of futility, frustration, confusion, shame, humiliation, embarrassment, resentment, anger, loneliness, grief, and more.

My shut out story is what turned into The Strongbox. When I began to openly discuss the father I had, a man who refused to acknowledge my existence, my feelings associated with that, feelings of emptiness and isolation, were lessened. It gave me a say in the matter. In the telling, I wasn’t able to change the situation, but I was able to change how I feel about it, in a good way, in a palliative way.

This blog is intended to illustrate the many forms in which disconnection can occur, and to then offer an offset. It’s a way of redirecting the grief of severance. Many of these stories have come to me through conversations, and I’ve written them up and asked permission to share them here. Some of the blog entries have been given to me fully written for inclusion. I hope you’ll find all of them as interesting as I do. I’ll be adding to this page frequently, and I invite and welcome your contributions through the Contact Me page.     


Your Grandfather Post.jpg

Grandfather Was What!?

Terry Sue Harms September 1, 2019

When I began talking about shut out stories, it didn’t take but a minute before the person I was talking to could come up with a shut out story of their own.

Elizabeth, a mature woman from England, told me about her being a precocious child and wanting to know why her grandmother’s last name didn’t match her father’s last name. Nobody would tell her anything about her paternal grandfather. Her father had died in the war, WWII, fighting as a soldier for the British Army, and her mother just would not answer any questions on the subject. Whenever Elizabeth would bring it up, faces would go sour, and she’d be told to drop it. The subject would change or her mother would abruptly leave the room. Well, Elizabeth wouldn’t drop it. The man was her blood; she felt she had every right to know about him. She couldn’t fathom why he would be an unspeakable subject. As she matured, her imagination conjured countless dire scenarios to justify her family’s stonewalling. Was he captured in the war? A deserter? A convicted felon? A murderer, rapist or thief? Dead or alive, in the grave or in prison, she didn’t know.

Again, being intelligent and clever, Elizabeth would argue with her mother, and frequently those fights would include taunts to spill the beans about Granddad. The cheekier Elizabeth got, the less inclined her mother became to explain her position. The standoff was infuriating for both of them.

It wasn’t until Elizabeth’s mother died and there was only one remaining relative, an auntie, that she finally got her answer. She asked her auntie to please, please tell her what she knew. Why could they not talk about her paternal grandfather? The elderly aunt then agreed to tell her what she knew. She made a pot of tea and set the stage for a dramatic reveal. Prepared to break the distressing news, Auntie sat next to Elizabeth, lowered her voice, and said, “Okay dear, I’ll tell you. Your grandfather was Irish.”  

← Aunt PussSing Along →
 

The Strongbox is now available as an audio book, ebook, or in paperback everywhere books are sold, including Indiebound.org
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